When We're Apart
When we're apart we clean out all of the closets.
We set up elaborate new systems for handling the kids laundry, and pack away the cot (which has been on the to-do list for six months). We use our time apart to take steps to make life easier & better.
Usually our home hovers just on the edge of acceptably clean, rarely organised, and always at least slightly chaotic. Personality profiling once told us "your house will typically be a mess, but that's okay because it's not going to bother either of you." And that is the realest judgement I've ever heard about the two of us and our life together.
So when we're apart, we suddenly, separately, become more organised. Less closeness, more cleaning. Less sitting-down-together-over-a-gin, more I'm-bored-might-as-well-clean. What matters more to us is the time we spend talking and dreaming and ideating together.
When we're apart we keep work obligations to a minimum, and focus on the kids. Less meetings and spreadsheets and photo editing; more playdates, bedtime stories, and being available for schedule changes if one of them gets sick.
When we're apart whoever stays behind gets full control of the show or movie selections, they get to stretch out in the middle of the bed, or have one of the kids to keep them company. They get to set their own calendar without ever having to think "let me check with him/her first...." Parenting becomes a solo mission, where suddenly you become a stronger parent because there isn't anyone else to hand the reigns to if you need a break. It's hard, but you rise to the challenge as humans do when there aren't any other options.
When we're apart whoever goes off on an adventure gets full control of how they spend their time. Calls home are completed when possible, but it's known that that's not a priority. (Calling the kids can sometimes derail or distract them from the fact that they are doing just fine with their total attention and control over the present parent! Reminding them they miss Mom or Dad often ends in a puddle of chaos and emotions.) When we're apart we get to chase activities or events or even meals without trying to please anyone other than ourself - or ourself and whoever we may be adventuring with, because neither of us is likely to do anything that doesn't involve other people! The adventurer gets new experiences and they get to bring home stories to share. Seperate stories get built by who's home and who's away, so that when we come back together we have even more to talk outside on the balcony.
When we're apart we miss each other. And missing each other is good. Missing each other makes us so certain that this relationship and this life are exactly where we want to be.
When we're apart we both tend to create a structure that highlights all of our priorities instead of hiding them. Having an overall life that is happy and a day to day life that is easy are our major priorities. And I love that even when we're apart we both work separately towards the same goal.
We set up elaborate new systems for handling the kids laundry, and pack away the cot (which has been on the to-do list for six months). We use our time apart to take steps to make life easier & better.
Usually our home hovers just on the edge of acceptably clean, rarely organised, and always at least slightly chaotic. Personality profiling once told us "your house will typically be a mess, but that's okay because it's not going to bother either of you." And that is the realest judgement I've ever heard about the two of us and our life together.
So when we're apart, we suddenly, separately, become more organised. Less closeness, more cleaning. Less sitting-down-together-over-a-gin, more I'm-bored-might-as-well-clean. What matters more to us is the time we spend talking and dreaming and ideating together.
When we're apart we keep work obligations to a minimum, and focus on the kids. Less meetings and spreadsheets and photo editing; more playdates, bedtime stories, and being available for schedule changes if one of them gets sick.
When we're apart whoever stays behind gets full control of the show or movie selections, they get to stretch out in the middle of the bed, or have one of the kids to keep them company. They get to set their own calendar without ever having to think "let me check with him/her first...." Parenting becomes a solo mission, where suddenly you become a stronger parent because there isn't anyone else to hand the reigns to if you need a break. It's hard, but you rise to the challenge as humans do when there aren't any other options.
When we're apart whoever goes off on an adventure gets full control of how they spend their time. Calls home are completed when possible, but it's known that that's not a priority. (Calling the kids can sometimes derail or distract them from the fact that they are doing just fine with their total attention and control over the present parent! Reminding them they miss Mom or Dad often ends in a puddle of chaos and emotions.) When we're apart we get to chase activities or events or even meals without trying to please anyone other than ourself - or ourself and whoever we may be adventuring with, because neither of us is likely to do anything that doesn't involve other people! The adventurer gets new experiences and they get to bring home stories to share. Seperate stories get built by who's home and who's away, so that when we come back together we have even more to talk outside on the balcony.
When we're apart we miss each other. And missing each other is good. Missing each other makes us so certain that this relationship and this life are exactly where we want to be.
When we're apart we both tend to create a structure that highlights all of our priorities instead of hiding them. Having an overall life that is happy and a day to day life that is easy are our major priorities. And I love that even when we're apart we both work separately towards the same goal.
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| Apparently it's been nearly a full year since we took a photo of just the two of us?!?! Unacceptable. |
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