A Night At The Bar
I ran into my friend, Nathan, at a restaurant where we were having dinner last night. The two of us stood and talked for a while, in the bar beside the pool table. I was having a soft drink, and laughing as Rosie encouraged my son to walk towards her by using her phone as "baby bait," and Toff proudly looked on and boasted to the man sitting next to him drinking a beer.
Nathan and I talked about parenthood, and how it feels to be pregnant again, as his wife is expecting their second child at almost the same time I am expecting ours. There was another Mom there who had her 3 year old with her, so we started talking to her too. We talked about babies, and how they just insist on growing, and whether or not a 1 year old likes strawberries (yes) and broccoli (no). We talked about all of the tests they make you take when you are pregnant, and whether or not something that you can't fix at all is worth that level of stress anyhow. We talked about when we all had infants, and whether or not anyone else felt, at times, like pulling their hair out, or if it was just us who found having a baby to be the most challenging thing we had ever done. We all agreed; yes, it was infuriating sometimes. And then Trip took ten whole steps by himself (an all time record) and we all stopped talking to cheer and smile down at him.
It is. Infuriating. Isn't it? To have someone so dependent on you, at all times and in all manners possible. To know that, without you, they would not eat. Without you they wouldn't have anyone to show them how to do things, or anyone to be so proud and clap for them when they've figured out how to do it on their own. And while they probably could sleep without you, they definitely couldn't lift themselves up into their crib, where they do so love to be, and snuggle with their favorite blankie. Without you.
That "without you" part was hard for me to adjust to. I did not like the idea, one little bit, that everyone else could come and go as they pleased, but I had to stay (always!) within reach of this tiny little person who so desperately needed me.
And you know what? One year later, and I do say that I am rather good at "without you." In fact, I rather enjoy it. I revel in knowing that he likes to sleep with his blankie over his face, and how he prefers to have a piece of fruit before his porridge every morning. And how watching a music video will get him to instantly stop fussing and eat the rest of his meal. I love when he looks up at me and reaches out one little hand, silently asking for help to reach something. I am enamored with those curls at the back of his head, and even with how most of the time he has fruit juice in his hair because he always insists on rubbing it during meal time. I am flat out, knock-me-down-with-a-feather, head-over-heels crazy for this little boy. And I love that he couldn't have done it without me.
So that is why we have decided to do it again. One more round of tip-toe dancing the baby to sleep and getting up at 3am just to play because someone hasn't quite figured out appropriate day vs. night activities yet (ie, playing vs. sleeping). When people ask why we decided to have another baby so soon, I laugh and say, "because we decided we weren't busy enough." But the truth is, we will never be "busy enough" to not want to fall in love again. Given the choice, who wouldn't choose to have just one more person in their lives who they can be totally and utterly in love with?
So last night, at the bar, I stood happily and talked about parenthood. I am sure that the me of four years ago would have been fairly bored with the whole evening. But she also didn't have nearly this many people to love.
Nathan and I talked about parenthood, and how it feels to be pregnant again, as his wife is expecting their second child at almost the same time I am expecting ours. There was another Mom there who had her 3 year old with her, so we started talking to her too. We talked about babies, and how they just insist on growing, and whether or not a 1 year old likes strawberries (yes) and broccoli (no). We talked about all of the tests they make you take when you are pregnant, and whether or not something that you can't fix at all is worth that level of stress anyhow. We talked about when we all had infants, and whether or not anyone else felt, at times, like pulling their hair out, or if it was just us who found having a baby to be the most challenging thing we had ever done. We all agreed; yes, it was infuriating sometimes. And then Trip took ten whole steps by himself (an all time record) and we all stopped talking to cheer and smile down at him.
It is. Infuriating. Isn't it? To have someone so dependent on you, at all times and in all manners possible. To know that, without you, they would not eat. Without you they wouldn't have anyone to show them how to do things, or anyone to be so proud and clap for them when they've figured out how to do it on their own. And while they probably could sleep without you, they definitely couldn't lift themselves up into their crib, where they do so love to be, and snuggle with their favorite blankie. Without you.
That "without you" part was hard for me to adjust to. I did not like the idea, one little bit, that everyone else could come and go as they pleased, but I had to stay (always!) within reach of this tiny little person who so desperately needed me.
And you know what? One year later, and I do say that I am rather good at "without you." In fact, I rather enjoy it. I revel in knowing that he likes to sleep with his blankie over his face, and how he prefers to have a piece of fruit before his porridge every morning. And how watching a music video will get him to instantly stop fussing and eat the rest of his meal. I love when he looks up at me and reaches out one little hand, silently asking for help to reach something. I am enamored with those curls at the back of his head, and even with how most of the time he has fruit juice in his hair because he always insists on rubbing it during meal time. I am flat out, knock-me-down-with-a-feather, head-over-heels crazy for this little boy. And I love that he couldn't have done it without me.
So that is why we have decided to do it again. One more round of tip-toe dancing the baby to sleep and getting up at 3am just to play because someone hasn't quite figured out appropriate day vs. night activities yet (ie, playing vs. sleeping). When people ask why we decided to have another baby so soon, I laugh and say, "because we decided we weren't busy enough." But the truth is, we will never be "busy enough" to not want to fall in love again. Given the choice, who wouldn't choose to have just one more person in their lives who they can be totally and utterly in love with?
 |
| One more baby. A heck of a lot more love. |
So last night, at the bar, I stood happily and talked about parenthood. I am sure that the me of four years ago would have been fairly bored with the whole evening. But she also didn't have nearly this many people to love.
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